The website for grandparents

Bernadette's story: the 'volunteer' grandmother

Nobody to help

Isolation. That's a big part of it. Young mothers – for all sorts of reasons – don't have that hands-on support, the extended family in the next street like there used to be. There's nobody to help.

That's where Home-Start comes in. We lend support on a weekly basis to any family with children under school age who need it. The fact that we're not paid gives the mothers confidence in us.

I'd retired and wanted to do something. My 17-year-old granddaughter suggested Home-Start. First, there's an interview. Then training – one day a week for 10 weeks – quite intensive. The only hard session was on child protection. I don't like to be confronted with the horrible things that happen to children. But it's vital. 

Worries

When I was growing up, there were always babies around. The first time some of these young mothers come across babies is when they have their very own. Every single thing worries them.

One mother had a bookcase full to the gunwales with baby advice books. She said, 'This one say this, the other says something else.'

'If they all said the same, they wouldn’t sell any books!' I said. 'You're the expert on your baby.' Ninety per cent of my work with Home-Start is giving the mothers confidence.

I've got four children and six grandchildren, aged from 11 to 25. Now it's the children of my Home-Start family – a little girl of 2 and a bit and her brother of 18 months – who sit at the window waiting for my visit. I'm not a surrogate grandparent, but I see more of them than their grandparents do. It's all confidential. Nobody has to know that the person who visits every week is from Home-Start.

Learning to play

Many mothers don't really know how to play with children. In my day, someone was always dumping a baby on you. Younger children were judged responsible enough to take babies to the park. People don't have that confidence today. So, I play with the children. I found out that a couple of my mothers didn't know nursery rhymes. Their children love them: Round and round the garden … This little piggy went to market ... Atishoo, Atishoo ...

I did have one family who didn't have a book or a pencil in the house. The television was their babysitter. The 18-month-old baby could work the remote control!

I know how these mothers feel. When my daughter was 5, we moved from London to Leicester. I was expecting another baby and was terribly lonely. What saved my life was he baby clinic held once a week. You polished up your Silver Cross pram and just turned up. Now, there’s no such clinic locally. But Home-Start run a family group once a week that any of the families can go to. There's a children's play area, and the mums can sit with a cup of tea.

It works

At first I thought: 'What earthly good is two hours going to do?' But it works. One mother was very depressed, stuck indoors. The challenge was to get her out and use the buses. It only took one trip to show her that buses now have these platforms that can be lowered to pavement level so prams and pushchairs can be loaded on easily. Now she goes everywhere on the buses.

It's knowing you've made a difference. All I do is turn up every single week – come hell or high water. And I get far more out of it than I put in.

Bernadette thinks that being a grandparent equips you with skills to pass on to other families. For example, one of her own grandchildren is 25, which has given her empathy and understanding when she has supported parents of a similar age. In addition, lots of professionals such as health visitors are not always parents themselves, so again having a Home-Start volunteer who is non-judgmental and confidential and is there because they want to be is an invaluable source of support for a parent struggling to cope.

What the families say

'She was the armbands in deep water. She was very reassuring emotionally and would sit and talk to me if I wanted to talk. And she gave me what I call "hands-free time".'

'I've found a lifelong friend in my volunteer, my husband has a happier wife and my children have a contented mother.'

What volunteers say

'I've realised that a little bit of my spare time has made such a difference to families.'

'To volunteer for Home-Start and to help get a family back on their feet is a wonderful experience.'

Home-Start

Set up in Leicester in 1973, Home-Start currently has 336 local schemes spread across the UK and on army bases in Germany and Cyprus. Almost 16,000 trained parent volunteers support nearly 34,000 families with more than 71,000 children, who are struggling to cope with a variety of problems, including post-natal depression, multiple births, bereavement, social isolation, poverty and ill health.

Home-Start support is carried out in the family's own home, with a volunteer visiting for a couple of hours a week for however long the family need them. Volunteers attend a preparation course lasting eight to ten weeks before they're matched to their family. Ongoing support is offered to volunteers at their local Home-Start through workshops and via training and supervision with a Home-Start member of staff.

A useful website

Home-Start 
www.home-start.org.uk
To find out how to become a volunteer, please visit the website. You can also telephone them for free on: 0800 068 63 68.